Happiness has multiple levels and intensities, it’s a state of mind that emerges from various situations, emotions, happenings… and so does sadness. Equally important and powerful, sadness is born out of the understanding and later on analysis of certain feelings. The primordial concept that you cannot reach “happy” if you don’t go through “sad” is a universal rule I came to understand in very early stages of my life. The main reason why sadness is needed is because it gives you the opportunity to access the gateway to a different reality, where certain aspects are enhanced by this particular state of mind. For example, when you lose someone (whether it’s a family member or a close friend or anything as such) you come to realize that your moments together with that person are no longer available in the context you are now, as you are still here and he/she is not anymore. That is when the concept of acceptance comes to mind… you need to “settle” for what you have left and accept that what is still there are memories and a mental picture of what there was. Same thing goes for powerful connections or relationships, when you feel like your heart and soul are shattered into million pieces. I say let them be shattered and let them fall to the hardness of the ground, as only then you will actually see what that person meant for you, how you regarded the time spent together, how you interacted as a couple, how he made you sad or happy in certain cases or why the loss was needed. You can’t escape the rollercoaster of suffering. It’s a fundamental passage of sadness that leads our lives towards making ourselves better, knowing ourselves more and realizing how our core self reacts to feelings or emotions.
Personally, I have two very different phases of suffering: one way would be to enter my analysis bubble and silently assess the situation through introspection, without expressing my sadness through typical physical means – such as crying like crazy, shivers included and sometimes even malaise… And the second way into this suffering state usually happens when sadness comes along with shock and indisposition, thus bringing up frustrations that can’t momentarily be solved through silent, objective introspection moments. Therefore, in the second case, I usually let it all out, literally until my tears dry out and my eyes get swollen like hell, then breathe in half of the air in one room and turn to the first phase of sadness.
Now, what comes out these moments of sadness is an endless list of “teachings” so to say. Sadness, intertwined with suffering gives you the power to cut into your own flesh and touch your pain, see how your inside really feels when something cracks in you. This feeling can be truly amazing if you know how to master it, how to use it in your benefit, ultimately delivering you the tears for supreme joy. Depending on how clear you manage to see things from different perspectives while in the trance of sadness, you can reach a level of pain that you can tune to the beats of your own life rhythm. Pain is necessary; at times pain feels so good, as it lays a fine cover of healing thoughts over the wounds it has created initially.
I sometimes felt the need to suffer physically, like experiencing pain on skin directly, as the mental and sentimental pains were too much to handle. I could never really achieve that, mostly because of my fear of the consequences these actions might have. Therefore, I was left with nothing else than a pile of hurt and an ocean of tears to shed over experiences that have marked my soul and memory like the black ink coming from the needle of a tattoo artist… always there to point out this and that happened, and because of that, you will never be the same, as each and every moment of sadness and happiness alike generates something new within yourself, something that hopefully will make you stronger for the next endeavor life will put you through.
| When your soul starts to glow in the dark, that is when you have reached the highest level of understanding your own pain. |
| You have to seek for your highest peak in suffering and bleed out for as long as you need so that you can touch someone else’s pain and know how that really feels. |
Cigarettes and Coffee Stains 